Wishing Things were Easier

We had hoped that Mosby could go to daycare Monday though Wednesday this week (2nd chemo is scheduled for Thursday), but with his back issues we decided that he should rest at home these three days. Then he’ll be rested up for chemo on Thursday. Friday my husband will take off and stay home with him while he recovers.

Tomorrow morning I’ve scheduled an appointment withย  a vet to do acupuncture on his back, and during this visit I will also catch up with his PT vet to discuss managing Mosby’s back pain and the best plan for moving forward. I hope she has some additional insight and ideas. I know that we need to strengthen his abs and back to reduce this strain, but at the same time we can’t do things that hurt his back and make him less likely to use it. We need to be able to do the water treadmill, but I don’t know at what point they’ll declare his infection “clear.” It’s looking less bad, but hasn’t healed up, and I’m afraid it could grow over some hair and create a bigger problem.

Thursday is Mosby’s 2nd chemo if all goes according to plan. Hopefully, his blood work will be good to move forward and the infection won’t create a reason to delay. Delaying the chemo means delaying the 3rd chemo, which means delaying the surgery to remove the sarcoma that we’re supposed to do 2 weeks after the 3rd chemo. Hopefully on Thursday the surgeon will also evaluate his leg and determine the scope of the surgery that will need to be done when the time comes.

It is in no way a burden to manage all this for Mosby. I do it because I love him and want the best for him. I would do it a million times over, without hesitation.

But I had a pretty big reminder of just how much stress and anxiety balancing Mosby’s care and a full time job and a household can cause on a person physically and mentally. Mosby may have ended up in the ER Thursday night, but I ended up in the ER Friday night with a severe sudden unilateral headache, followed by dizziness and low blood pressure, and me passing out. We were pretty scaredย – I’m extremely reluctant to go to the doctor, so the fact that I voluntarily went to the ER says something. A CT scan and EKG ruled out bad things, but they aren’t really sure what it was. I was out of it, maybe just from shock, for about 2 hours. The rest of the weekend was uneventful. I’m assuming that whatever it was, was caused in large part by stress. I’ll follow up with my primary this week, but I doubt it will be anything but a physical reaction to the last month or so. In the mean time, I’m going to try to focus on positive things. The problem is that it is hard, when there are so many things that are not positive. But I’m going to try.

Anyway, not trying to be a downer. But I did want to be honest in terms of what these last 5 weeks have been like. I wish Mosby were one of those dogs who had really sprung back to normal life 2 weeks after surgery. I don’t want that for me, I want that for him. And until he’s at a point where I do think he is happy again, it is going to be hard to live with this dark cloud above my head.


8 thoughts on “Wishing Things were Easier”

  1. I’m so sorry this has been such a rough time for Mosby (and you). I am one of those whose dog was running and bouncing about a week after surgery so while I do empathize, I didn’t go through such a hard time. There were several Tripaws during the Aug/Sept/Oct timeframe that did have some struggles after amputation so you are not alone in those struggles. Hoping they will reach out and provide some positive feedback. In the meantime, take care of YOU. Mosby needs you….Hugs to all of you.

  2. I feel so bad for you. Please know that we are here for you.
    I know my stress level was unbelievably high and I would break down in tears in everyday life situations and couldn’t help it. And our recovery was nowhere as bad as yours.
    I don’t know if you’ve read the Dog Cancer Survival Guide and I don’t want to promote it big time but I didn’t find it until 10 months after surgery and I still wish I had had it back then. Not so much for the medical stuff but for the little things on how I could have coped with all of this better.
    I also found lately that blogging here actually helps me so if that’s the case for you, too, do. it: vent!! We’re with you. And take good care of yourself. Mosby needs you yet.
    Big hugs from Manni & Tina

    1. Thank you, I really appreciate it. I may have to check out that book! I am also hopeful that blogging will be useful.

  3. You have earned the right to be frustrated and stressed!!!! In fact, you are handling this rough recovery better than I did with “just” a three week recovery!

    And yes, as Wanda noted with her SWEET TED (such a sweet boy), some have recoveries that only last one or two weeks. Then there are some like Pug Maggie (Karen) who took a good six or seven weeks before her sparkle started ro come back. It sounds like Colonel Mosby is somewhere inbetween.

    I know it’s hard for you to see, but we all see how strong you are! And you are strong enough to get through these “additional” hurdles. How do I know? Because you’ve already gotten this far!!

    And I always say it doesn’t matter how we get through this journey…crying…screaming..yelling….whatever…as long as we get through it! It doesn’t have to look “pretty “, or “brave”,’or “stoic”! I also cried often like Tina. I had sobbing crying fits for weeks before and weeks after!

    You have a lot on your plate. It’s seemingly impossible to be patient while waiting for our dogs and cats to FULLY regain their sparkle. And thst tskes our stress level a d our worrying about everything to a whole other level.

    I had to chuckle a little bit at your statement, “…And the rest of the week end was uneventful”!! Goodness gracious, you certainly had a very EVENTFUL week end, to say the least!

    Even though I’m sorry you had to go to the ER, I’m really glad you’re getting yourself checked out!

    The only tiny bit of “advice” I can offer is to try and keep things chunked down as far as Mosvy is concerned. Focus only on the one issue that is before you at any given moment. Speaking for myself, if I start to go into the all the “possible potential issues”,’that may or may not even materialize, thats when I go off the tracks a bit. And this journey is a perfect format for going off the tracks!!

    Right now, it seems the “issue” is first phase of healing Mosby’s back. That means rest and the acupuncture. Taking care of the sprained back IS moving forward. We all hate thst this has happened, but we see it here a whole lot the first thirty days or so. I know that doesn’t help, but just trying to say it’s certainly “fixable”. Yes, core building exercises, hydrotherapy, etc are part of the process down the road. Some .embers nust decide in a few things for their dogs to do as opposed to all. You know your boy better than anyone. You and Mosby will decide what works the best!

    And you are not being a “downer” our dear friend!! You love your Mosby so much and you clearly want the best for him!!! And we all want it to be perfect no sooner than yesterday!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Do try and focus on the improvements he has made since you brought him home!!! Even if you have to write down EVERY time you see a tail wag, or a happy smile when Mosby gets a treat, CELEBRATE it with Mosby!! To celebrate his victories today, helps keeps you star in the present.

    Thank you for your insightful post and thank you for allowing us the privilege to be by your side, and Mosby’s side ๐Ÿ™‚

    We are all here for you and we get it!!

    Now, we sure would like to see more 4ohotos of Mosby!! Hint!!

    Lots of love and hugs…and a reminder to take care of YOU!!

    Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

    1. Aww, Sally, you made me cry. Thank you so much, for making me feel like I’m not crazy and not a failure, among other things. You are right that we are moving forward, even if it’s at a slower pace than I’d like. For now I’ll focus on his back, then hopefully he’ll have a peaceful chemo treatment Thursday, and we’ll resume recovery and rest. After all, since I got him 9 years ago, there’s very little that Mosby likes more than a nice, long nap. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      As far as celebrations go … Mosby is pretty stoked at all the “random” peanut butter, Easy Cheese, and liverwurst he gets these days. He also thinks every meal is a celebration, since we switched him to a mix of wet/dry food back around the time of his diagnosis (finally!! Mosby said) and now he’s on fancy grain free food. Mosby gives me many reasons to smile and it’s nice that I have this place to come vent, so I never have to do it around him.

      Thank you again for listening and for your support, it’s invaluable. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Puhleeeeeeeeeeze stop putting a time frame on a normal recovery. There is no such thing. Slow down, enjoy the small steps that are being made, and truly BE MORE DOG. Not only will this strengthen and honor Mosby, it will do the same for you. Deep breath, slower pace, rest, relax and RECOVERY. Mosby needs this as do you. Deep breath…slow down…everything will be okay…

  5. This process is really hard. I don’t think any of us got through this unchanged. The stress, fear, feelings of loss and grief, lack of sleep and lack of control are all very real. But so is the love we have for our dogs and cats and our desire to do everything we can to help them. You will get through this, one step at a time. Taking care of yourself is as much a priority as taking care of Mosby.

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